Five years ago, my mother encouraged me to become a blogger, this encouragement began shortly after our first baby love, Victoria Grace, (aka Tori) arrived on November 3, 2012.  We just recently celebrated her 5th birthday at the 2017 DSAMT Buddy Walk for her team “Tori’s Trailblazers”.  It was a joyous celebration with lots of family and friends, I always have this fear when I plan a birthday party that no one will show up so when they do it is such a wonderful feeling of thankfulness.  Truthfully, I have many fears….so here is the start of overcoming my fear of blogging.  Please be gentle :-)

Naturally in November we all think and talk about all that we are thankful for…I have so much to be thankful for but more than anything, each year in November as we celebrate Tori’s birthday, I always feel overwhelmingly thankful that she is healthy and thriving.

Tori’s birthday always brings back memories of a very difficult 36 hour delivery (24 of them with no drugs) that ended in a C-section and the confirmation of the Trisomy 21 diagnoses….Down Syndrome.  My husband Jeff and I had received blood test results when I was about 11 weeks pregnant that indicated there was a 1 out 73 chance she would have down syndrome.  I was at work when my Doctor called and asked me if I could talk, fortunately, I walked into a private location to take the call.  I said, “well that’s only a 1.4% chance right?  So that is a 98.6% chance she will not have it, right?”  My doctor replied, “Aimee its normally a 1 out of 2000 chance.”  Insinuating, as carefully as she could, that she was pretty confident our baby had down syndrome.

Originally I had no plans of having children, I had worked at Texas Children’s Hospital for 12 years prior to moving to Nashville where I also served as a volunteer so I had become very aware of all the things that could go wrong.  I had developed great fear about having children and all the risks associated, so naturally, Tori was a surprise.  However, when I saw Tori on the ultrasound at 8 weeks, it was the most amazing vision, she was kicking like crazy and I was immediately in love with her, my main goal in life after that moment was to be the very best mom I could be.

When I got off the phone with my doctor, I called my husband, Jeff, to tell him about my conversation with her, he immediately said, “I don’t care what she has, I am going to love her no matter what.”  I fell more deeply in love with him that day.  Jeff and I agreed to not tell our family and friends about the potential diagnosis.  He was with me at every doctor appointment and there were many.  We had ultrasounds practically every month, one of which was with a cardiologist because the ultrasound tech thought one of her heart ventricles was larger than the other.  I really did not know much about Down Syndrome, so naturally I began researching and as I was learning about all of the risks, I could feel the fear begin to overtake me.  I immediately stopped researching and to this day I still do not know everything I probably should about Down Syndrome.  I knew I had to keep my mind healthy, so instead I turned to God and I began a prayer/gratitude journal.  Each morning, I wrote a list of the things I was thankful for.  I thanked Him for all the wonderful things He had done in my life and all I believed He was going to do.  I thanked Him for taking care of my baby, I thanked Him that she was healthy, I thanked Him that she was talented, smart, beautiful, full of personality, etc. etc. etc.

When Tori was born, we were in the hospital for several days as they ran many tests.  Firstly, they ran a test to confirm her diagnosis and it was hard on all of us.  We spent days crying, praying…and jumping for joy.  At night, when I knew no one would come into the hospital room, I prayed for our babygirl from head to toe, there was not an organ, muscle, bone, that I did not pray for.  Each time a specialist would come into the room to let us know she passed a test we would jump for joy and Thank Jesus….seriously even when she had her first poop we literally were jumping up and down and thanking Jesus for poop (DS can cause bowel obstructions and so that confirmed everything was working).  I guess I should not get upset when she poops in the tub, haha, at least everything still works, right? 🙂

For approximately the first year of Tori’s life I did not discuss her diagnosis with many people, if I am being honest I was grieving inside.  Mostly for her, I thought it meant she was going to have a hard life, I worried that people would make fun of her and be mean to her.  I worried that I was not equipped to handle it.  I worried about who would take care of her when we are gone, I worried and I grieved.  The first of many turning points was when God put two angels in my life.  When Tori was about 10 months old, I had been assigned to a project at work and one day I found out that two of the analysts on the team also had children with Down Syndrome, it randomly came up and I knew God had put them into my life to help me talk about it, to help me heal.  I admired how they spoke about their children as though it was no big deal, they were a wealth of knowledge and experience, they had experienced several health challenges, including heart surgeries.  I learned a lot from these two ladies and I hoped that someday I would be like them, strong enough to encourage other parents dealing with the same fears.

Recently while reading my Bible I read the scripture, “Blessed are those who mourn”.  I have read/heard that scripture throughout my life but it resonated differently this time.  I have experienced a great deal of mourning in my life and have found, with mourning comes growth.  Today I feel blessed because I have learned how to surrender, to surrender my fears, my family and my dreams.  I have learned God’s ways are immensely better than mine.  I never would have prayed, “God please give me a child with Down Syndrome”, but today I can honestly say, I am so glad He did!  She brings such great joy to our life!

As I was discussing this blog with my mother, I was thinking about the lyrics to “I Surrender All”.  In my family music has always been a way to connect with God and to enjoy time with family.  My father and I used to play and sing often, before he passed away earlier this year he would come to our house and play the piano and ask me to sing, I regret not having video of those times. November 23rd would have been his 65th Birthday, Thanksgiving Day.  Ironically, my mother was at our home the other day and started playing the piano so beautifully, and just like my Dad would do, she asked me to come sing with her….so we decided to give, “I Surrender All” a whirl…and this time I captured the memory.  We don’t get time these days to sing or play much so please be gentle 😉  Happy Birthday to my Daddy in Heaven and Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!  Make sure you capture the memories 🙂

We hope you enjoy The Jenkins Joys!

Do not grieve for the Joy of the Lord is your strength.  Nehemiah 8:10